Good Friday, a "Christian Romance."

I don't write Christian romance. Honestly, it's because if I were to do it "Jesus style," I don't think it would resonate with the readers of the genre.

 

Plus, "Christian Romance" is hard to do in a way I'm comfortable with. I mean, think about it. If reading a story about a godly relationship, a man who embodies the perfect husband in God's design, who isn't your husband makes you less content with your marriage... if it makes you wish your husband was "like that guy," (or wife, if you're a man reading romance, but let's be honest here... men aren't the target demo) well... I find it hard to imagine a way to write Christian romance in a way that wouldn't inspire a kind of "adultery of the mind."

 

It might not be a lustful adultery, but if it's about looking to some fictitious, ideal man... and it's not the man God has given you... is it really as wholesome a read as it's supposed to be?

 

I don't say this to disparage my friends who write Christian romance. I haven't read most of their books. I'm sure there are great authors who do it well. So don't get bent out of shape if what I'm saying here isn't your experience with some of your favorite Christian romance authors.

 

But I think there's a caution there for Christians who are reading romance. Something we should at least be aware of.

 

Just because it's "clean" and doesn't curse doesn't make it genuinely wholesome. You have to judge for yourself, really. Use discernment. Is it creating a fantasy that leans into your discontentment with your current partner? Or, perhaps, if you aren't married, maybe it's a reminder of what kind of man you're praying for. If you are in a difficult marriage, and your husband hasn't lived up to the right standard, perhaps a book like that can lead you to pray for him. But be careful... because for a lot of women, "romance" functions the same way that p**n does for some men. It could lead you to desire something that's not realistic, that God hasn't give you.

 

I digress... because that's not the point of today's e-mail.  

 

I think it has to be said, though. It illustrates the fact that even as believers we've been affected by a culture of "romance" that doesn't always jive with God's love story for us. Even what sometimes passes as "Christian romance" can have more in common with Hollywood than the New Testament if it's not done carefully.

 

Because the consummation of the greatest romance ever told doesn't involve a bouquet of flowers. It's not a man, rushing to the airport he and his love-interest had a tiff, so he could pronounce his love for her and kiss her at the gate. It's not about any warm-and-fuzzy feelings at all.

 

The romance of God's pursuit of us, of Christ's pursuit of His bride, reaches its climax in Roman whips, in a gruesome display that most of us wouldn't have the stomach to watch, when the One who is pursuing us carries his own cross, and falls on his face.

 

I wrote an e-mail about why I believe the Shroud of Turin is genuine a while back. The evidence is (frankly) overwhelming. The so-called carbon dating done on it in the 80s has been proven to have been done on a tainted sample of the cloth, where a repair had been done in the middle ages. I detailed all the evidence about the shroud, and why I think it's actually a photograph of the moment of Jesus' resurrection HERE >> 

 

When examined, it's clear that Jesus' nose was "broken." Now, it wasn't a broken bone (the prophecy indicates his bones wouldn't be broken) but it's technically a deviated septum. Researchers also found Jerusalem dirt (the researcher who published this evidence indicated it was as conclusive as a fingerprint that the dirt came from precisely the place where we believe Jesus was carrying his cross) on his nose.

 

When I was about twelve, I was at summer Boy Scout camp and was carrying a walking stick over my shoulders. Similar to the way Jesus would have been carrying the cross-beam of the cross (the shroud shows abrasion marks on his back as well). While we sometimes see Jesus carrying the entire cross in art, it was likely just the cross beam. It was a lot like the way I was carrying my stick. Well, I tripped and fell. Because my arms were draped over my walking stick, I went face-first into the ground and had exactly the same injury we see evidenced of Jesus on the shroud.

 

It knocked me out for a while. It was totally miserable. I had to have reconstruction surgery to repair it.

 

And that was just one of many things Jesus suffered, and it wasn't even the worst or most painful part of it all. Just think about the pain. Nails through each wrist, one through both feet. To even breathe you'd have to push yourself up, putting strain on the wounds, ripping, tearing skin, bruising the bone. Add to that, a deviated septum. Trust me, from experience, I know it's really hard to breathe that way. He'd have to breathe through his mouth, which might explain one of the reasons why Jesus said "I thirst." His mouth was dry because he had to breathe through his mouth, and every breath was agonizing.

 

Add to this the Roman scourging he endured, the crown of thorns... all of it...

 

Let's just say it has nothing in common with most sweet romances. It's nothing like the cross you see on Hallmark cards, usually flanked by sunrise and flowers.

 

In the first century, the cross was one of the most horrifying and intimidating things in the eyes of the Jewish people who used to see their friends, family members, and others being crucified alongside the road on a regular basis. It was meant to terrify, to scare the Jewish people into submission.

 

So, when Paul wrote in one of the earliest writings we have in the New Testament that the cross was the center of their hope and message, it was totally shocking and even offensive. "We preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles..." (1 Cor 1:23)

 

When Christians started using the cross as a symbol of the faith, it had to be jarring to the Romans who'd used that same symbol to inspire so much fear and terror. Here the Christians are, actually wearing crosses (I have a Byzantine cross that I sometimes wear, it was made in the 3rd century) as if it was a symbol of LOVE and HOPE!!!

 

Ever think about how subversive that was to the Romans? They had to be thinking, the very worst thing we could do, what we've done break the spirits of people all across the empire, has become for these crazy Christians a symbol of their God, the very heart of their faith?  

 

In this sacrificial act, we witness a love story unlike any portrayed in any romantic comedy, unlike anything even Shakespeare could write.

 

The imagery of Christ as the Bridegroom pursuing His bride, the Church, is deeply rooted in Scripture. And it's the cross that is emblematic of his romantic pursuit.  

 

The Apostle Paul draws this parallel in Ephesians 5:25-27:

 

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (ESV) 

 

The Greek phrase "gave himself up" (παρέδωκεν ἑαυτὸν) emphasizes Christ's voluntary self-sacrifice. It's an explicit reference to the cross itself. Paul's talking about Good Friday, here.

 

This selfless act of love transcends human understanding. It's nothing like your favorite Drew Barrymore / Adam Sandler rom-com. It's certainly not a long-haired, shirtless man, who looks like he should be saying "I can't believe it's not butter" on the cover.

 

Jesus' love story for us challenges our notions of romance and relationship.  

 

And to the men (Let me address the fellas a moment... ladies, be patient).  

 

This is who God calls us to be for our wives. Would you follow Christ, would you go to the cross for your bride?

 

Would you sacrifice everything, your will, your stubbornness, your passions, even your life for the sake of your beloved? This is the standard of "Husbandry" that Jesus calls us to.

 

We'll fall short. But think about it, men. If you have a wife who is digging into these romances, always fantasizing about these love stories, would she even bother if you lived up to that standard? Would she think about that "cowboy" in her book for a second, if you give yourself to her fully, if you became a Christ-like, living sacrifice to your precious bride? Will you pursue her, even if she's not living up to your expectations? Jesus pursued us when we weren't perfect, when we were broken, even when we mocked him, jeered him, and rejected him.

 

Jesus calls us to love our wives that way. So, the next time you want to throw that "wives, submit to your husbands," text at your wife, remember that it's the same text that calls couples to submit to one another, then adds this standard to to the husband, to the men.

 

If you want to know what it means to really "man up" for your wife, for your family, it's not by hiding your emotion, or demanding you get your way. It's by being Christ to your family, giving your everything for them with a love that cannot be thwarted, that will endure anything for the sake of her, for the love of your bride.

 

Women, you can resume reading now :)  

 

This profound union between Christ and His people (his bride!), achieved through His sacrificial death, is the essence of the gospel.

 

It is a love that pursues us even in our brokenness and sin, a love that is willing to endure the utmost suffering for our sake.

 

As we contemplate the cross this Good Friday, let us not shy away from its gruesome reality. Instead, let us see in its bloodstained wood the greatest romance ever told – a divine love story that transforms the instrument of death into the tree of life.

 

The cross confronts us with uncomfortable truths about our human condition. It exposes our weakness, our sinfulness, and our desperate need for salvation. Yet, in this confrontation, we find hope. For in Christ's weakness, we find strength. In His humiliation, we find exaltation. In His death, we find life.

 

The Apostle Paul, who once persecuted the church, came to understand this paradox deeply. Following the verse I quoted above,he wrote, "For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Cor 1:18). What the world sees as foolishness, God uses as the means of salvation.

 

How often do we, like the world, seek power in strength, success in achievement, and salvation in our own efforts? How often do we seek love through fleeting emotions, through fantasies, even through manipulation?

 

That's why God made us in the beginning. He made us because his very essence is love. He made us so He could give himself to us.

 

It wasn't good (even before sin entered the world) that man would be alone. So God made "woman," and together, the image of God in mankind was realized. Because in the unity of man and woman, we were made to participate in God's love for us. It the selfless giving of self to our spouse, and our willingness to receive our spouse's sacrifice and gift of self to us. It's through this reciprocal giving, the elevation of the other above self, where we find the secret to marriage, to real romance, to what it means to be a human, made in God's image.

 

You see, the question you should ask about your relationship, the marriage you hope to have some day, or the marriage you're in now, isn't, "what do I get out of this relationship." The question to ask is, "How can I more fully give myself to my spouse?" It's not about how the person satisfies us, or the feeling we get when we're around them. It's not about us. Love is always about the other.

 

That's why Good Friday is the greatest romance ever told.

 

In Jesus' name,

Judah